I don’t know if my memory is fritzing just because of having been under stress for so long without a break? Or from not having to hang on to the day to day mental load suddenly? But it’s really on the blink.
I was just trying to write down in my diary what I’ve done since Monday and I seriously couldn’t remember. Even though my body has the slight aches from having gone on a good long walk at the Gorge yesterday, I could not for the life of me remember what I had done.
I kept saying the other day, “I have to get some scripts filled” “if I only do one thing today i have to go and get these scripts filled”, and was sure I put the prescriptions in my bag to take to the chemist but when I got ready to go, they weren’t in my bag.
Turns out I’d gotten them filled last week and had forgotten.
Pottered around in the garden today and couldn’t focus on completing a single task in one go. I started making a border around a flower bed with some loose rocks. Halfway through I decided to put some more potting mix in the bed. A few more rocks. Then as I passed a different garden bed I decided to create a structure to keep the pademelons off the roses with some old fencing. Decided to dig up and divide some bearded iris rhizomes for the first bed. Put down a few more rocks. Then suddenly thought – out of nowhere, mind you, I have not been thinking about this for a very long time – “Gabion walls! That’s what I can do with these rocks!” and started looking up YouTube videos on how to make gabion walls. Thought I should go inside and get ready for my massage client, started packing up and realised the rock border (the original job) was only two thirds finished.
I finished it eventually. (It is a really small garden bed and it is not a complex border.)
It will be nice to have a complete, coherent, uninterrupted thought process at some point soon. I hope!
I also keep forgetting words and names which is a bit freaky and makes me understand in the tiniest way how terrifying it would be to start to lose your memory through something like Alzheimers.
Again, that’s why I’m writing this stuff down and also why I’m sharing it with you. When I feel normal and like I’m making a fuss over nothing (those thoughts are already creeping in and it hasn’t even been two weeks yet) I need to be able to see that things aren’t quite right yet. I’m an impatient and impulsive person so being forced to learn patience is not a bad thing I guess!