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This is a photo of my beautiful house, from the bushes out the front, where I was looking for chicken eggs. I heard the chickens making a racket (the usual “behold! I have laid an egg!” racket) and they haven’t been laying consistently in the coop for a while, so I thought I was onto them. But after wading through the wet hedges and undergrowth, looking for their cache, I found nothing and all I got was twigs in my hair. And I swear they were laughing at me as I went back into the house.

But I include this photo because when I stood up from my egg hunt, I was struck by how so, so, so grateful I am that I have this place to rest and recuperate in. Such a peaceful spot, so much space. Grounds large enough to take a turn in. Many and varied birds. So quiet.

But even after such an innocuous activity as looking for eggs, I was absolutely exhausted and had to lie down for a while. I have been sleeping a lot and my body still feels like a tightly wound coil. Finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s City of Girls (which I loved). Slept more. Decided I’m going to start a crochet project for this period, sorted out the yarn in my stash to see if I had enough, slept more. So things are pretty much going to plan.

In terms of income, I will use up all my sick and annual leave, and then have applied for Centrelink (under JobSeeker, even though I still have a job, as that’s what sick leave is under now). I am praying that I’ve done it correctly and the claim goes through. I discussed other options with HR at work, but decided this was the best route for me to take.

In terms of actual treatment, I will be getting a massage tomorrow and doing flotation therapy for the first time on Thursday. I will be starting neurofeedback therapy with my psychologist on Friday, which is new. I’m trying to write a little bit every day to just keep track of how I am feeling and what’s going on, because inevitably I will forget. I’m really quite startled by how bad my short term memory has gotten in recent months, but that is no surprise; it’s a symptom of long term depression and anxiety.

Anyway that’s where I’m at today.