A month since my last post and the life cull continues. Have just pulled out of a whole bunch of commitments that were making me feel kind of terrified. Terrified that I wouldn’t be able to hold up my end of the various bargains I had struck. I really hate letting people down, but in the past my modus operandi has been to just push through the struggle, all so I could tick some imaginary box saying that I did everything I said I was going to do. This usually meant I either did a sub par job or almost killed myself getting it done. Or both.
As the great Ron Swanson says:
So this time I have decided to pull out of things before it gets to the point where it will be really painful to let people down (Goodbye We Will Rock You costume team! Goodbye theatre company board! Goodbye choir that I only went to one rehearsal of!).
Being an adult sucks.
But there will always be other things to be part of when I’m on a more even keel. I really do need to get over my FOMO. And it’s not like I’ve gotten rid of everything fun in my life, there’s still a lot of Pleasant Event Scheduling going on.
Brother is coming to visit in July, and godmother is coming in September. Two people I love and miss very much!
One thing I’m really looking forward to is going to Melbourne for two weekends in July and August with my partner-in-flute Jessie to play with the Yamaha Wind Orchestra. That was probably the least considered/prepared for audition I’ve ever done, but I just filmed myself playing a couple of pieces (some Woodall and some Schubert) and sent them off and didn’t hear anything for weeks. Then got the email that I’d been accepted, right in the middle of a day when I was feeling really low. So that lifted my spirits!
Even better, Jessie had a travel voucher she’d won so we didn’t have to pay for flights for the first weekend, and I had some frequent flyer points that I used on a nice hotel. Can’t wait!
Our flute quintet had its first gathering at my house too, which was wonderful, and I’m looking forward to our next one. We are working our way through the Reicha Sinfonico for four flutes (with one part doubled). We weren’t drunk and at a flute party as per the intro to this video (though probably sounded more like we were)…I do wonder what sort of parties James Galway hosts:
August also holds a Symphonic Band concert at my church, which will be fun as I haven’t played there with a large ensemble before, and it will be interesting to hear how the band copes with the space as it’s quite different from City Baptist, where we usually play. St John’s is a beautiful, weird building. And very cold.
So after the life cull, the only extracurricular stuff left is church music commitments and lots of flute playing, or the sparkles and bellybutton fluff (as a certain conductor who shall remain nameless refers to the flute section). I think I’m happy with that, for now. I just hope slowing down everything else in life will make the more energy-sapping and necessary stuff easier to cope with.