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Well my word count is still going up! I have surrendered the goal of writing 1667 words per day and am satisfied that if I write something every single day then that will be a win.

And then of course I ended up not writing anything yesterday. I’ve been struggling with fatigue a lot over the past week, after several days of being so disciplined and going for my walk, doing some writing, staying on top of my freelance work, and I thought “wow! So a routine is what’s been missing all this time! I can totally do this!” and then from about Thursday last week I felt like my body was made of lead and ended up having 1-2 hour naps in the afternoon just to cope. Arg. A full time graphic design job has come up at the uni that I reckon I could easily do, but I’m scared about my stamina (or lack of). And I although the stress of money fluctuation is horrible, the trade off of being able to work out my own time and do a bunch of vastly different things in any given week and, yes, being able to nap when I need to, is pretty big. Still tossing up whether I should apply for it.

But anyway, back to the writing.

I looked at my stats and thought hey. Writing around 600 words of fiction a day is WAY more than I was doing previously. So NaNo is working for me! Here are my current stats.

I realise I need to talk (as in, talk out loud, not just write about it) about the book more too. I chatted about the storyline with mum over lunch yesterday and even just trying to articulate it helped me crystalise some things about the characters. I’m the sort of person who hates showing her working; I don’t ever like people to see a piece or design or writing or art that I’m working on until it’s finished, because I fear they will criticise the draft as though it’s a piece of finished work or think the idea is stupid, and then by extension they’ll be criticising me and my complete lack of talent and originality and ultimately will conclude that I’m a terrible human being. Have I mentioned imposter syndrome is strong in this one?

And yet collaboration is such a great thing. Bouncing ideas off other people. Getting inspiration and giving inspiration. Even just providing moral support. I know this. And yet I am still my worst enemy and biggest critic.

My main issue with the story at the moment is that it’s starting to take on epic proportions in where I want it to go, and yet I am still stuck in the minutiae of little scenes. I think I will take a suggestion from a fellow NaNoer (seriously, the online community is so encouraging) and as a way of breaking out of the rut, just start writing the big scenes, or start plotting the novel and just filling in the bits I’m interested in as I go, instead of feeling like I need to start at the beginning and work sequentially to the end. I always seem to approach writing in this way, as a reader almost, forgetting that I’m the one with the power and can write any damn thing I want to.