Despite my best intentions and thinking that I’m juggling things rather well, I’m so unbelievably stressed at the moment. Things do seem to converge, don’t they? I have a mountain of work all due now for new clients who I feel anxious to prove myself to; I’m trying to work out the logistics of selling/buying our house and all the things to do with moving; add to those things hormonal joys, catching up with people before we go, helping out with things I agreed to help out with weeks ago, and responsibilities at church…it’s at the point now that if anyone tries to introduce new information or asks something of me, my brain just shuts down and I can’t even process words.
I’m trying to breathe deeply (essential oils help!), to pray, to stretch, to let anxious thoughts glide by. Once I get through this week I should be able to manage a bit better. I’m also trying to ask for help where I need it and to be upfront about how I’m feeling, rather than trying to pretend I’ve got it all together, because people aren’t mind readers and it isn’t really practical to hold up a sign that says “I CAN’T EVEN” as soon as anyone tries to speak to me.
The feeling is a bit like every muscle in my body is tensed. I’m constantly hungry but unable to think about cooking or food, so not making brilliant food choices. My brain feels like it is pressing against my skull, trying to escape. There is a desire to burst into tears, which would probably provide some relief, but it’s buried under layers of something dense and smothery, so I can’t release that pressure valve. And most of the day I just want to sleep, yet of course as soon as it is night time my brain goes into overdrive. At least I get more work done at night as a result, but it doesn’t set up wonderful sleeping patterns.
It’s not a great place to be. Please pray for me – don’t want that black dog to get wind of this and come snapping at my heels…
[I hope to have a bit of a ‘yay’ post tomorrow re: our next home but I have saved it as a draft until things are properly finalised.]