I’m not sure what to write about today but I just want to post something. So here are a bunch of thoughts, some vaguely connected, but most not.
I’ve been catching myself realising that I’m having a good day. This has happened a couple of times recently, and I’ve had the good fortune to be able to recognise the feeling and enjoy it!
As you’re probably aware, I’m enjoying cooking so much at the moment. I feel really well, digestion-wise (which isn’t always the case), and I think it’s because we are eating lots of fresh and whole foods in interesting ways (thanks to the Thermomix of course).
I’ve been trying not to feel overwhelmed by life in general. I recognise that when I don’t post here very often, or only post pics on social media, life might seem like it’s all about cats and food and flowers. Those are the good things I choose to focus on, but a lot of the time life is a bit precarious and weird and it does feel like when you’re at the beach, bobbing around in the waves, going up and down and occasionally getting a nose and mouthful of salt water. I’ve been feeling completely stuck lately and bewildered that I can’t seem to reach the tipping point with anything – do I lose interest and energy before I get to that point? Are my ideas not the kind that I can make a living from? I feel like I’ve been putting a lot of effort into various things and just haven’t been able to get traction with anything. And I’ve spread myself too thin, because I forgot my fundamental problem which is that I don’t have the same amount of energy as normal people. Which is frustrating.
I’ve started writing a little bit every day again, in a beautiful notebook I’ve had for years, even if it’s only a paragraph or two. It’s just for my own consumption, but it already feels like the oil is starting to grease the writing gears. They are pretty rusty.
I’ve also been drawing and mapping things that are floating around in my head (the way Susan from Creative Conversation taught me!). I find it such a helpful way of getting things out and seeing connections between them, or the overarching theme of what I’m thinking about at the time. I love my big A3 visual art diary.
Side note: I often feel a bit weird when I see the phrase ‘visual art diary’ because it instantly transports me back to being a kid in year 7, newly arrived from Singapore, being told I needed a visual art diary for class and having no idea what that was and feeling panicked – what’s a visual art diary? Should I have been keeping one all these years? Does everyone else have one? Where do I get one? What’s visual art? Isn’t that just…art? Have I fallen behind already? If they’d just explained it was just a big notebook full of drawing paper, instead of something that sounded fancy and intimidating, I would have been fine.
On that last side note, I have big ideas about adult creative workshops that I want to flesh out into some reality in 2016. The idea is around encouraging people, around promoting creative expression, having a go, playing. It was sparked in part by Brené Brown talking about art scars, the scars that people carry with them from childhood that tell them they are no good at art or dancing or music or whatever because someone told them when they were a kid that they were no good at it. With shame, they believed that story and it became truth for them, and so as adults they have never experienced the joy of creating, just for its own sake. I don’t know what form this will take yet but I have daydreams about it.
I’ve been wondering whether I should do another Everyday Gratitude Diary next year. How would I make that happen? Hmm. Maybe I could do pre-orders again, but via my website (rather than a crowdfunding site). It seems to have resonated with a bunch of people, but I still have boxes of them in my studio to sell. Clearly I need help and can’t do it all on my own; if I did it again maybe I would approach it differently.
Having said that, if you want one, now’s the time to order! 🙂