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Sorry for the quiet around these parts (I know you’ve just been dying for another blog post). I had some extremely minor technical issues, but just didn’t have the brain space to deal with them.

I have the sort of personality that thinks I have to do everything myself, as though it’s a badge of honour or something. Most of the time that’s a good thing; I think my natural curiosity and desire to see how things work means that, with the help of the internet, and a bit of trial and error, I’ve taught myself to do an awful lot of things. Learn graphic design to a standard where I can earn a living from it? Yes. Learn how to lay a floating floor? Yes. Learn how to sew and crochet? Yes. Learn how to install a compostable toilet? Yes. Learn how to draw in manga style? Yes. Learn how to crowdfund and publish a book? Yes. Phew. I don’t mean that as a boasting list, just as a…wow. You can teach yourself to do almost anything if you want to!

But sometimes my brain gets full and it’s all just too hard; this is often the case when web stuff isn’t working and I just can’t be bothered trying to figure it out. Then I thought, um, why not just ask my webhost support people? Isn’t that what they’re there for? In this case, yes! They just fixed it. So nice. So simple. I should have done it weeks ago.

Why is it so hard for me to ask for help?

I’ve heard so much in the last couple of years about finding your tribe, collaborating with people, getting support from those who get it, and yet it’s still so hard for me to ask. I feel like I’m presuming on people, and yet a lot of the time I think people want to help! I think it’s just my selfishness at wanting to do things my own way, or having to admit that I’m not an expert on every single thing in the universe, or having to expose the soft belly of whatever it is that I’m doing to someone else that keeps me from asking (man, Brené Brown was right, it all comes down to shame and being vulnerable).

Actually thinking about this ties in with today’s daily Bible reading from the Bible Society. In the notes on John 13:6-9, Andrew Robinson says,

Peter’s heart is in the right place: the thought of his Messiah stooping to wash his feet horrifies him because he is zealous to honour Christ.  But it is a misguided zeal – in fact he fails to understand what is at the centre of Jesus’ work: serving and redeeming. But, like everything Peter does, his repentance is whole-hearted too.

Christians love to serve – we are often less good at receiving service.

When I think about asking for help in my Christian life…no surprises, I find it hard there too. I can be struggling with something and just keep it to myself, thinking “I can figure this out and fix it myself.” So often that’s not the case, or I would have been spared a lot of heartache and fuss if I had just asked for help!

Do you find it hard to let people help you too?