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You might be getting sick of reading my daily recounting of this black dog bout. I will start writing about other things soon.

The weather this morning was wild, as any Sydneysiders who had to leave the house will have experienced. Crazy wind, heavy rain. My heart sank as I thought about having to drive in that weather, but I got up and showered and got dressed and packed my bag and packed the car. I just kept pushing myself…got to go…got to leave the house…got to go.

Then I started crying. It was kind of involuntary, but it was like this dread was sucking every bit of energy out of me. My body felt like it was filled with concrete.

I had no idea how I would be able to pay attention on the road to the office to do some printing and then up to Gosford to meet my staff team. Mum prayed for me. I left the house, got in the car, and was just wracked with sobs. Uncontrollable. I had been so focused on just putting one foot in front of the other, I had been ignoring that my body was trying to force me to stop.

I rang my boss. “How are you?” “Not good.” I said I couldn’t drive and would have to join the staff retreat in the morning. He understood.

I came back inside. Mum looked relieved. I crawled into bed and slept most of the day away.

Please God, let it be better tomorrow.