Friends, if you’re the praying type, I need a lot of prayer at the moment.
I have no energy and am really sad. I don’t know which came first, but as any of my depressive friends will tell you, it doesn’t really matter which came first; the two kind of feed off each other.
I had a period of positivity recently, good mood, reasonable energy, creative interest. Gradually over the last week I’ve been starting to slide. And it feels like now that I’m starting to try and think about what I can do to sustain myself creatively, every good feeling sapping gremlin has come out from under the bed to attack me and make me unable to do any creative things.
Work feels huge and unrelenting, and there’s a lot of change afoot, with one of my most supportive and understanding colleagues leaving and with the organisation being restructured. And in the midst of that the work just keeps rolling on.
I get home and am exhausted. Having two things every week in the evenings (growth group and belly dancing) is almost too much. I have all this beautiful new fabric I really want to sew up, but just have no motivation to sit at the sewing table. I need to start publicising next month’s Spire Market and can’t even think about it.
To make it worse, the sleep I get doesn’t feel restful. My brain brings out the big guns as soon as I turn the light off, making me go over old ground and old hurts again and again. Georgina posted this Leunig cartoon today, which is basically me at the moment (click to embiggen).
I know this, too, will pass. But it’s where I’m at right now. Just thought I’d say.
(although you’d be forgiven for thinking so, this has nothing to do with the previous post (ie, not getting the BHB scholarship) because I am still going to go! And JOY will abound!!!)