I can’t shake this tired melancholy.
Work’s been busy. Not insanely, frenetically busy, but relentlessly pressurised. I feel like I really need a holiday but that’s not going to happen until Christmas time. I will be certainly enjoying those couple of weeks when they finally arrive! So I’m just trying to be balanced in my work, trying to complete a significant number of tasks each day, and trying not to freak out every time something else is added to my plate…which seems to happen with increasing frequency at this time of year.
What makes it worse is that everyone else in the office is having or has had holidays over the last little while, and they all talk about how much they neeeeed the holiday and good it is to not be at work. I bite my tongue and try to be other-person centered and be happy that they are able to have some time off. What I need is to find a way to recharge and replenish my physical and emotional energy, without needing to take a slab of time off. This is just trying to keep my head above water, mind you; it doesn’t allow at all for creative space or writing time.
I went over to Matthias Media this afternoon to say hi to Emma and Karen, and Tony Payne asked me whether I’d finished my novel yet. We talked about a scene in Family Guy when Stewie hassles Brian about writing his novel – we agreed it’s very funny, but harsh , and yet strangely true. Then Tony said he would ask me every time he saw me whether I had finished the novel yet. This is good, I need people to look out for me and egg me on, but sadly it doesn’t help me find the time or space to actually do the writing.
I just want to cry, but I’m too tired to. Maybe I’ll go eat the chicken pie I made for dinner and have a long bath.
(sorry that the blog’s been so maudlin lately…I’m sure I’ll come out of this fug soon)
Oh, if you like Family Guy, here’s the clip (and it ends just the way I want to end some conversations…):