i felt like i really needed to be at church this morning. i just wanted to be there, to hear from God’s word, to see friends, to just be spiritually fed. it took all my energy to get ready and i headed down the hill, but almost as soon as i got there i knew i’d have to leave early. it’s a hot and muggy sort of a day, and the air inside that church is still and stuffy and oppressive.
i ran into emma and stu as i was coming in and talking to them was almost too difficult. while singing i felt like i was going to faint, and then (how rude of me) as dave got up to preach i had to leave.
so now i’m lying back on my bed, with a fan and a very noisy portable air conditioner blowing at me, my head pounding. how awful, that i can’t even make it through a church service, where nothing is required of me but to listen!
oh well. little steps i guess. i can read my Bible while i lie here and try not to feel too defeated.