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in my experience struggling with back pain is not unlike struggling with depression. both render you a lot less productive, both make even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable, both are with you constantly, and both are completely invisible to the casual onlooker.

i really don’t want to become one of those people who complains about having a bad back all the time. but i am reminded again and again that even though you talk about it, you bring it up in prayer time, you are constantly going off to the chiropractor, etc, etc, people forget very quickly when there isn’t a visual reminder (eg, if i had a broken leg in plaster i am sure i would get a lot more unsolicited sympathy). i’m not after sympathy, per se, but more an understanding that i am trying my best to get through it.

i keep feeling a mild anxiety that people are going to think i’m a hypochondriac and get to the point where they no longer tolerate my reduced ability to work. usually it passes and i think ‘well i just have to do what i have to do to get through this, who cares what other people think’. but i do get frustrated that i have good days where the back (and the depression) seem to be no problem at all, and then suddenly i’ll have one or two really bad days that put me off for ages.

of course this would have to be the busiest time of year at work, and we would have to be moving offices in the next couple of weeks.

if you’re the praying type, please pray for me!