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so it turns out the car is actually very badly damaged. it didn’t look like much, but when i took it to the assessor yesterday (who was rawther cute, i must say) he said it wasn’t looking good and he was going to get it towed straight to the smash repairers and send me home in a cab. because the guy hit me in the back right hand ‘corner’ of the car, it squashed everything forward a bit. so once you open the back door you can’t really shut it again, and all the exhaust fumes were going through the boot into the cabin of the car. just as well i’ve been driving dave’s excellent car this weekend and didn’t listen to him when he said it didn’t look too bad and should be alright to drive!

goes to show appearances can be deceiving.

i hope my body isn’t hiding similar structural damage. my back and neck have been a bit achey, and i’m not sure if that’s because of the accident or because i’ve been doing yoga and walking to work over the last week (you would think those things would help but that’s part of the reason why my exercise regimes are never regimes so much as…coups (bad choice of metaphor), because i get all enthused about doing exercise but once i start to ache i tend to give up). the chiro seemed to help the other day, though he said often after even slight accidents you can have tissue damage that isn’t immediately apparent. hurrah.

but on the upside i had a reasonably good weekend. had a delicious roast dinner with mark and jen on friday at their place in parramatta, then armed with two laptops and a PC, teamed up in person to play world of warcraft for some hours while we munched on krispy kremes. it was great to play in person, with a lot more laughs, although i love playing with them even when we’re in separate houses; it’s like an extra special treat being able to have time with them even when we can’t make it to hang out together. don’t know if that makes sense or not. it does to us.

on saturday i did a major spring clean of the flat which felt very satisfying, then went to a barbecue at emush and brett’s in glebe. it was a gorgeous, blazingly blue spring day, and i sat in my new spring dress sipping white shiraz in their overgrown jungly backyard, eating yummy cheese and barbecued things (barbecued haloumi – yum!), and chatting to a bunch of people, most of whom i only have a passing acquaintance with. this sort of thing – making small talk with strangers – used to terrify me and i would stay for an hour or two then make an excuse to leave. but this time i stayed well into the night. by then it had devolved into a sort of impromptu dancefloor in their lounge room and playing soccer in the street. a bunch of us girls were sitting on a futon sofa that had been just put out for the council clean up, and one of the neighbours came out to chat. she’s in her late 70s, i guess, used to be in the circus, and has lived in the street since the sixties. an absolutely fascinating and hilarious woman, who then introduced us to another neighbour, a young man around our age who seemed very friendly and helps her hang pictures and do odd jobs around the house (that’s one of the things i love about glebe that seems to be lacking in the eastern suburbs; although there are the yuppies and the party people, there can be a much more community-minded spirit, with a mix of generations and a mix of living circumstances (ie, they’re not all young families, or all married couples, or whatever). it seems less brittle and superficially shiny than some parts of the eastern suburbs.) anyway, i had a great time. when i was leaving that night em said she was so excited to see me looking happy, relaxed, confident and gorgeous. well! what a nice thing to say! in fact she said it was such a big change she didn’t quite know what to do with me… 🙂

on sunday after church, mum and i joined the tonks and the macbeaths at emma and stuart’s for another barbecue. it was another lovely afternoon (although significantly fewer inebriated folk than the saturday one). i ended the afternoon holding baby samuel and tickling him and being well-rewarded with some delightful dimply grins. enough to make you fall in love, really.

so that’s two good (predominantly social) weekends in a row! what’s going on?!

i was writing last night in my journal that i can’t really remember how bad i was, but when i see myself through other peoples’ eyes i can see that i really was a shell of my former self six months ago (at my lowest point). it’s only then that i realise how much help i had needed, and i wonder how i had struggled along all last year getting further and further mired in depression. so obviously the counselling (and the drugs) have helped immensely – it is such a relief to be coming back. that’s not to say i don’t still get incredibly tired and need long periods of time in quiet places and not interacting with people face to face, but me actually wanting to leave the house and be with people is so amazing that i almost laugh when i think about it.