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at the moment it’s hot and humid and I’m having trouble sleeping.

last night I played Halo for three hours with Dave and when I went to bed at 12.30, every time I closed my eyes, everything I saw was in the Halo world, with little flashing red dots on my viewfinder and me running around, shooting things.

when I finally woke properly with a very sore back, it was 5.45am and I thought I’d get up and go for a walk. I went to Clovelly, thinking it would be nice to see the sun rise over the water, but as soon as I opened the car door I knew it was a mistake. It was stinking hot, even by 6am, and I mean stinking; that awful smell rockpools get when the tide hasn’t cleared them out. I decided to walk around Gordon’s Bay to Coogee, as I’d never done that walk before, but I only made it to the end of Gordon’s Bay, and even then only just. I felt like such a failure! (this feeling enhanced by the endless parade of joggers who kept gliding past me) I am so unfit, but I am shocked to think a few flights of stairs and a steep incline would wipe me out so. I went to mum’s and had a swim, which is much more my kind of exercise because you stay cool and you don’t get all red and sweaty.

but the day has been really strange after such an odd start. it’s felt pretty much as I have done these whole holidays, a bit adrift, a bit vague, aimless, unable to focus on anything. I met up with Jake and Jackie for a cup of tea and some toast mid-morning, and we were all a bit quiet and wilted by the humidity. Jake goes back to England today, and Jackie goes back to Canberra, so that may have also contributed to the slightly deflated atmosphere the three of us generated. i went home but my flat was stifling, so i spent the rest of the day reading Ship of Destiny at mum’s in the air conditioning. I think my flatmate is starting to wonder whether I exist, as I’ve been at mum’s so much these holidays and hardly seen Ali.

I know I needed this time to just do nothing and try and recharge my worn-out batteries. I’m so lucky to have been able to take such a big slab of time off, and I have to get over the feeling that I’m supposed to be doing something. i must say, though, i have greatly enjoyed the luxury of being able to just read whatever i like as much as i want. i realise how rarely i get to do that these days.

now if only we could have a nice, heavy rainfall to clear out some of this mugginess, and allow me to sleep past 5.45am, i’ll be a happy little chickie.