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it’s probably the weather and the time of year and all that stuff, but i get the strange feeling that i’m approaching a crossroads again. what am i doing, why am i living in sydney, why aren’t i writing, should i switch tracks, am i getting too comfortable? i’ve put down roots in sydney, in kensington, and i don’t know if that is necessarily wise, and if it’s just because i’m unadventurous or lazy.

having grown up in sydney, port moresby and singapore, and regularly visiting family in malaysia, i never really felt a burning desire to go on a gap year after school, or even go backpacking. yet i have friends who grew up as missionary kids (MKs to the uninitiated) who assume they will end up living somewhere overseas, whether as missionaries or not. i’m not saying i’m tied to australia; if opportunities came up elsewhere and it was clear i should take them, then i’d go. but i don’t make plans with the thought that i could move even out of sydney, let alone interstate or overseas.

our church has always had a fairly transitory congregation. there is a core bunch, but many people come and go every couple of years. even the very nature of ministry can be quite transitory – every two years or so we get a new student minister, but it also means we lose the last one and his/her family. and the minister can move on too, which is always a big upheaval, and worse if you’re good friends. at the end of this year i know a few of my close friends will be moving on (finishing uni, going overseas, etc) and that’s quite confronting really. aside from the fact that i’ll miss them dreadfully, it makes me question why i stay.

same as uni – when uni finished, a lot of my friends scattered. they went interstate to drama schools, or overseas for work. i moved to the inner west…not exactly the other side of the world.

i don’t think this is a huge dilemma. but sometimes i feel like i don’t fit here and i wonder why i have attached myself so tightly to this place and whether, by looking at the close-up view of life as i live it, i’m closing myself off to other things that might be visible in a wide-angle lens, so to speak.

but then, equally, i have to balance that questing with being content and effective in ministry where i am now, not always thinking about being somewhere else.