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what happens when you lose people?

when it’s a death, well, that’s final obviously. there’s not much you can do about it, except to go through the grieving process and that leaves residue that you can never get rid of. my mum says she still misses her friend barry, still cries every now and again for him, and he died nine years ago. she still misses her mum and she died twenty six years ago. hey, i still miss both of them too.

but what happens when people just wander out of your life, people that you thought you were bonded so tightly to? i think about friends that i’ve had over the years, people i’ve loved intensely, who i don’t even see anymore. every so often something will remind me of them, i’ll drive past a place we went together, i’ll hear a song we used to sing. sometimes i’ll even pass them in the street or the supermarket and it’s like i never knew them.

it’s also horrible when you can feel someone slipping away. when something happens and you know that nothing will ever be the same again and perhaps life in the future will not include that person. it’s a weird sort of perspicacity, unsettling and in some ways unwelcome. but the only encouraging thing i can take from that is seeing that although you lose some friends, you find others along the way. and some become so tightly woven into your fabric that you can never rip them out or have them fall away. i like those ones.