i think i’m at one of those points again. i get here every so often, where i feel like something is about to happen but i don’t know what it is. something that will take me off in a new direction.
i worry, sometimes, that i won’t have the courage to make tricky or risky decisions when i need to. like, should i go overseas, should i quit my job, should i take the plunge and write full time without a safety net, should i, should i, should i…? then i usually end up bogged down in indecision, not doing anything.
i shouldn’t worry, i know. i’m one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason, and in its own time (for everything there is a season (turn, turn, turn)) – that is an attitude that infuriates some people. i don’t believe in fate, or destiny. believing that God has a purpose for me is different, to my way of thinking. i know some of you would see those things as being one and the same, but i think they’re different.
i think time moves too slowly for me. i forget that when you look back, the events of your life compress into quite a small space. but when you are playing them out in real time, it seems to take forever to get from point to point. the day to day living seems to drag on interminably, and its only later you can see that big changes were occurring – just in glacial movements, rather than hummingbird movements.