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ah. getting a sense of equilibrium back. it’s good to be at home on a cloudy friday, with a big cup of coffee, quietness, inspiration firing and lunch imminent.

i thought i would work on the last edits of my creative manuscript this morning, as i still haven’t got my head around the critical essay and thought it would be better to work on something than to just while away the morning with frippery as i normally do. and, wonder of wonders, i’m actually enjoying the piece now! i have hated it pretty much the whole time i’ve been writing it, but now, looking at it after a month of leaving it alone, i can see some merit.

which is not to say i’m entirely satisfied with it, but then i don’t think i ever will be.

thinking about a fellowship in the uk i want to apply for next year, where i would have the opportunity to write a book dealing with some aspect of life in the ‘far east’ (which to us actually living in australia is pretty much ‘here’) – so my work would fit in perfectly. i’m trying not to think about the potential playing field and who else might also apply for this fellowship, but am telling myself that of course my work is as worthy as any for consideration. so all the positive reinforcement from my friends is actually starting to sink in, after all this time. 🙂

timewise, i’m tottering on quite a thin precipice it feels, and if i try to step back for any perspective i might just fall off. so i have to keep chipping away at my thesis, at work, at various other commitments, and hope that they all stay balanced. probably not too healthy, but in a couple of months the academic pressure will be gone and i won’t know what to do with myself! can’t wait!!

why is it that everything is always due at the same time? does the universe conspire to bring about this situation? i have the deadline for my thesis, the fellowship application and the big conference for my work in canberra all falling at the same time. couldn’t they have been spread out a bit? is that too much to ask?

whoa, wobbling a bit here. might stop thinking about it and go and make lunch. food helps everything. 🙂